A humbling experience

Lenten Season began yesterday. The babies and I went to church and received our ashes. To be honest, in the morning I had a mini anxiety attack at work. It came over me extremely fast and not really sure what is from. That’s anxiety. It started as post partum anxiety and I never fully recovered from it. I learned how to manage most things through coping skills and young living essential oils, However, at times, there is no rhyme or reason for it and it just happens. That was yesterday. I haven’t had one in months and was starting to feel better and BAM! It came over me like a tidal wave and drowned me. It set me back and took me the whole day to try to recover. While on the way to church, I was thinking about what to give up for Lent because that is what people do. They give up something they always have, usually like bagels, soda, junk food or anything along those lines. To me, I needed something bigger than that. I wasn’t quite sure what I needed but I knew I needed something more. As I packed my daughter into the car and got my son and then Mom to head over to church together, I realized that I have gotten away from God. As the daily grind comes and goes, I am in a constant struggle with myself, my anxiety, managing my kids, my house, my life – it all, and stressing the hell out about everything. I spread myself way too thin and attempt to do it all myself. Most days, I can handle everything it like a BOSS and then days like yesterday humble me and it really plays with my head. It not only gets me physically to the point where I can’t breathe and am being squeezed, but is mentally draining as well. 

As a result of my episode yesterday and real deep thinking, I realized I need to set my intentions and affirmations. I need to believe in myself and that God has a plan for me. I need to understand that anxiety is beyond my control and need to learn to keep it in check. My intention for Lenten Season is to try to get closer to God. I downloaded the bible app to my phone and the first thing that pops up is a 7-day devotional on how to handle anxiety by reading scriptures and saying prayers. This is an excerpt from Day 1 devotional.

It is spot on and I plan to read it again along with the whole chapter before I go to sleep. I believe that this will not only help me gain control of my anxiety but learn to become closer to God and his intentions for me. Can’t wait for day 2. 

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